Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
