We won't sleep together?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
