just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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