I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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