Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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