it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
