can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
