do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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