Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
