What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
