Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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