Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
