I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
