I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
