She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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