Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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