I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I forget how to act sober
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