: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
