dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
