Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
