Buhtt sex?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
