i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
