I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
