So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
