So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
