so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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