So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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