If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
