Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
