I wish I could teleport
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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