oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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