i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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