i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize