Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
