Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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