So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
