she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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