Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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