I'm pants shitting drunk right now
North Korea, Best Korea!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
