U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
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I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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