i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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