Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
