get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.