Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
