OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
