I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.