i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
