If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
