how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
