are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
