U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
