And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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