It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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