It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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