Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
