I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
