Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
