Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize