my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Houston, we have a squirter
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
