I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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