when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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