in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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