Already got asked if we're dating
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
