I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
