True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have fence marks all over my body
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
