she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
