i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
