just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
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id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
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She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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