I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
