your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
