You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
