She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
