After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
